i am sick. not just a cold, but a stomach bug, vomiting, achey, can barely stand sick. it started on friday evening as soon as i got home from work and continued throughout the entire weekend. i had to call in sick yesterday because i was still so weak and out of it and queasy, although the vomiting has stopped. i called in sick today at the last minute because i realized when i woke up that my stomach was still messed up and i wasn’t ready for the physical exhaustion of teaching pre-k. i think it was the right decision but i feel soooooooooooooo. guilty. i know that the school didn’t call a substitute yesterday, and they probably didn’t today either. this means my para will have been alone with the class for 2 days straight and, honestly, it’s not fair. although the class is, realistically, probably better off with her than a sub–she knows them, they love her, she’s been there every day, she knows their routine, she also knows the pre-k curriculum better than i since she’s been a para for like 15 years–but still. it’s really overwhelming to have the kids to yourself for so long and i feel guilty.
honestly, sometimes i wish i taught at a normal school where they would fulfill their legal obligations and hire a substitute.
and sometimes i wish i didn’t work for an organization like tfa which would have me internalize fear, sadness, extreme anxiety, and guilt over NEEDING to take a sick day.